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And know that if you choose to engage in activities and behavior that the parents feel is detrimental to their child’s longterm healing, you are forsaking a friendship for your own feelings. Your best intentions might be the worst of devastations. And the thousands of others committed from the beginning thank you as well. So until then, or until redemption rains down, HOLD UP YOUR HEAD and JOIN MY HAND and KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW that you are GOOD.

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Reliant, as many of we pensioners are on the local cabbies, we get to know them well and they’re often happy to chat. They’re always so busy, they both work, and the grandchildren have so many clubs. But you know how it is, you daren’t say anything.’I was upset enough hearing how this lovely lady might be spending her birthday on her own, while her family lived less than five miles away. Time and time again we are told of the epidemic of loneliness in this country.

On this particular morning, the taxi controller had remembered it was this lady’s 80th birthday at the weekend.‘Is your daughter taking you somewhere nice for lunch? The pained look on her face gave him his answer.‘Maybe,’ she said. One in ten over-65s feels chronically lonely all the time, yet most suffer in silence, through fear of appearing a nuisance.

Forget that you used to actually teach classes on parenting and adoption and the like. But try to parent a kid of trauma who inflicts trauma at home, and it’s crickets, crickets, crickets.

Forget that people loved you and lauded you before. Forget the fact that you’ve spent tens of thousands of hard-earned and worked-for dollars just to bring this child home.

Share it with your loved ones, for even if they don’t understand in the end, at least they can know that YOU are not alone in this. Not to mention the idea of a child feeling completely threatened by the intimacy of a family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate!