It's the talk of many a dating article, and the bane of anyone who's tried to date a person who won’t stop dragging their heels.
Anyone who’s spent time in the dating arena has likely experienced what I call "Hot and Cold Intimacy": You meet a person, things start off well, and they continue that way for a while. To explore the ins and outs of hot and cold intimacy, we’ll be looking at two case studies which will help us understand how our childhood affects the way we act as adults, the importance of working through our personal issues with intimacy, and what a loving, committed relationship truly looks like.
What makes her seem "heartless" or self-centered is really the result of having to focus on responsibility to the exclusion of all else."Aubrey" is Ivy League-educated and not very impressed with the men she meets. Pretty, smart, and 26, Aubrey’s beginning to wonder if she'll ever find someone with whom it seems worth settling down.
Enter "Michael." He’s fun, bright, playful, and imaginative. They meet each other’s families and eventually Aubrey moves in.
Her mother left early on, and she was raised by a depressed father who rarely had the emotional energy to tend to the needs of Kelli or her siblings, whom Kelli took care of throughout her childhood.
She felt anger about her situation, but stuffed it down in order to focus on being “responsible.” Now, at 23, Kelli’s the only real adult in her life.
So he learned to make his mother happy (so that she would love him) by being the sensitive person his father could never be.